‘Do I regret it? No, because I like it’: a chat with my heavy stoner friend

My friend Steve loves to have a joint every night - a good habit or not, I envy him.

I feel nervous before meeting Steve*. He’s my boyfriend’s best mate and we had met a few times. I like Steve a lot. He’s caring and funny - a rescuer in my social anxiety moments during nights out. The last time I saw him was five days ago. We went bar hopping near Victoria station. Before entering the last place, Steve lit a pre-rolled joint (marijuana cigarette) and shared it with his girlfriend. To him, a joint a night is like an apple a day - a habit he has kept for three years now and will be the topic of our chat.

I don’t hold a negative attitude toward weed – studies have shown that proper use of marijuana can improve both mental and physical health. But I can’t imagine how Steve has been smoking weed every day. Though the public attitude toward drugs is more open now, heavy users are still believed to be a pathetic existence - sad, ashamed, and deeply traumatised. Steve always seems to be carefree, but does he truly feel so? I know he just failed his university recently. I worry he would be sensitive to the topic and I would hurt him.

But Steve soon proves my worries are excessive. He welcomes me with a big hug and is excited to talk about his smoking habit. Sitting cross-legged on the bed, he looks like the laughing Buddha. And no, he doesn’t feel ashamed or anything. Summarising Steve’s stance using his own words:

“I just love marijuana. It’s a magic for me.”

Growing up in east London, Steve moved a lot as a kid. His parents came to the UK in the late 90s from Poland and Croatia. Steve changed schools many times and his parents were always busy at work. But otherwise, he was contented: “I don’t think I had a bad childhood at all. I think I had a good one. We went on holidays quite often and I was always happy.”

Steve wasn’t bad at school either. He used to be a top student and was in the school’s rugby team. “But I didn’t like that at all. I didn’t feel a need to study. I didn’t develop any good studying habits and that really didn’t help in my university or in my college.”

Year nine was his turning point. It was always Steve’s dream to be a military engineer, and he did apply for a military college. 

“It was like a boarding school - I would have lived there. But I passed everything except the medical examination. They said my BMI was too high,” says Steve. “It led to where I am today. Not necessarily a great thing, but it’s not a bad thing either. I don’t look at it poorly or sadly. That’s just how it is sometimes," he says. 

Steve tried weed for the first time at 15. It was before his rugby training. He sneaked into a park with a bunch of friends and they shared a joint. After just a few puffs, Steve was knocked out. “

At the time I was fucking paranoid. I ran away into the toilet and I was hiding until rugby finished. I told the coach I couldn’t play today. I told him I was sick but I was as high as fuck. When I came home it didn’t wear off and I was pretty much in bed the whole day,” he recalls. “But I tried again and it was positive. I never had that sort of experience again.”

For the next three years, Steve would chip in whenever his friends could get some weed. But definitely not every day – a few times a month at most. He got invited to a weed cafe in Aldgate once. Hidden behind three layers of security, the place resembled the room of requirement in Hogwarts. Steve bought a cannabis brownie for £5. 

“It was the strongest edible I’ve ever had. It’s a shame I don’t remember where it is. Otherwise I’m going there more regularly,” he rubs his hands and says.

In the US, COVID has created a new generation of stoners. The same happened to Steve. He started smoking every night during the pandemic. Why? 

“Because I had a shed in the garden, we were in lockdown, and I was bored,” he says, “And I could get weed easily because there was the little gypsy lady and the boss man on the bike.” The two have been kicked out of the neighbourhood now. Steve’s new dealer works as a security guard in the day. Sometimes he also buys from friends.

“Every night, parents go to bed, time for a joint.” With his daily use, Steve soon developed a strong immunity to weed. 

“When I started, I used to put a tiny amount and that was enough to send me to stars. Now I have to smoke half a gram,” he says. An average joint has only 0.32 gram of weed. 

I ask him what was his record. “When my parents were in Poland, I asked a friend to buy me an ounce. And I finished an ounce in three weeks, which is like 28 grams.” He rubs his hands again.

“Now I’m pretty much addicted. I can’t sleep… I mean, I can sleep without it, but I sleep much better with it. And it’s a habit now.” But it seems that to Steve, his addiction isn’t a worrying thing. Because he soon adds:

“I like smoking weed. I enjoy it. It’s something I look forward to at the end of the day. Some people have a beer at the end of the work. For me it’s a joint at the end of the night.”

I become dumbfounded hearing this. I didn’t expect him to be so outspoken - or even proud. But Steve doesn’t notice my confusion and goes on:

“Everything’s better with marijuana. I go out for a walk and it’s more fun while high. Even playing games is more fun. My brain goes elsewhere and I focus on something else. I’m not focusing on anything that’s actually important. I can turn my brain off, you know?”

“But aren’t you suppressing any feeling by doing so?” I ask.

“Maybe that’s the truth, and I’m just avoiding it. But I smoke it because I like it. To me it’s just simple like this,” he says.

“So is there any negative side? For example with your uni?”

A long silence. Steve isn’t prepared for this question. Then he says: “I feel like it might have affected me mentally. I don’t feel I got more stupid because of it, but I feel like I’ve forgotten a lot more because of it. And maybe prolonged use can potentially slow down your brain a little bit.” 

Still, for the most part, Steve believes he failed his university because of bad study habits rather than weed. The only time he thought about quitting was for financial reasons - £100 a month isn’t cheap - but there’s no plan at the moment. Steve isn’t sorry for anything:

“Do I regret it? No, because I like it. Maybe it could have been different, but personally I don’t like dwelling on things like that. I don't like to look back and regret. It's pointless. You can't change events of the past and you can think of hypotheticals of what if, what if, what could have happened. But at the end of the day, it doesn't change anything.”

Steve feels confident about the future. He joins his dad’s new property management company this September. “I’m super lazy when it comes to education. But I think that’s because you don’t see any short-term benefit,” says Steve. 

“But when it comes to working, I’ll fucking work for that. I love working.” He shows me a spreadsheet he’s making. As the director, he collects clients' information and emails people most of the day - kind of dull. He's hoping to get some physical jobs which he enjoys more.

Time to leave. At the door we hug again and say goodbye. Then Steve asks: “What’s your conclusion of me today?”

I don’t know how to answer. I tell him I’m not doing a lab report so there’s no need for a conclusion. But his question lingers in my head on my way back. 

What did I learn about Steve today? Yes, he truly loves marijuana. But there’s more than this. I envy him. I envy his simple outlook on life. And I envy his superpower of being worry-free and unapologetic. Though I’m not convinced to smoke half a gram of weed every night, I wish I could be half as carefree as him.

*Name has been changed.